Optimism and a Healthy Dose of Reality! OR The Career Assesment

My friend had a career assessment done. I think it’s because she is in a very similar place to me. The world and life that she prepared for is not turning out to be what she expected or wanted. I am not feeling lost in terms of my field, I want to be in theatre. No I am not all gung ho right now, but I know it will come back to me – it always does.

I am afraid that when she tells me how it turned out she will say that she is leaving the theatre (in general) and moving on. When that happens it saddens me. I feel like I have lost a comrade or a sister in arms fighting to bring our art into the world. Especially because she was my partner in college. We put up all of our shows together. She was my person, sitting right behind me saying “YES! And now what it…” And she always thought of the craziest shit. She wanted extravagance – everything to be perfect. I was the cynical one, I was the one who saw the flaw in the plan – And with our powers of optimism and a healthy dose of reality we literally could do anything!

I will support her because there are a lot of other things she could do and be very good at. But I will miss her.

Who am I kidding? If I ever had a project or a scheme or a plan she would be on board in a heartbeat. I could be blowing this out of proportion.

I don’t know.


Christmas Shopping…Before Thanksgiving…and I’m Broke

Gross, I just watched a bunch of Extreme Couponers with my sisters….It makes me feel bad about live for several contradicting reasons.

I wish I could extreme coupon for Christmas. I don’t know, maybe I can. I haven’t looked.

Enough of the Pity Party!
I LOVE GIVING GIFTS! Right?! It really is awesome. I am new to this feeling, not being very old and very recently being able to buy things for people with my own money. But there are very few things that feel as good as giving a really well thought out, personal, awesome fucking gift!

My dad was/is the best gift giver I have ever known. Him and my mom don’t go so well together, but even she admits to his amazing taste in jewelry and clothing and overall appropriate gift-ness. We once gave her a necklace and earrings that was in several larger boxes, one of which was filled with golf balls. If we want you to be really excited about a gift, we make you first believe that you will never in a million god-damned years get it…so that when you do you cry, we laugh, then you laugh while hitting us and then eventually hug us. It’s a great experience! Seriously!

Now all I have to do is pass this gift on over to my boyfriend so I can feel the love too. Our first Christmas while living together. He won’t even know what hit him.

Now how does that make you feel?

Yes I go to a therapist. I wear that proudly. And if you do too, right on man!

I truly dislike when people call it a shrink or any other dismissive name and refuse to entertain the idea that they themselves could very likely benefit from one too.

I do not have any major psychological trauma or any condition which requires professional help. But I know that there are times when I cannot, on my own, work my way through my feelings, thoughts, and general psychic chaos that I really and truly need unbiased, educated help. What I see in someone who chooses to see a therapist is someone who takes time to work on themselves and think about the way their mind and body work.

I think about how I go through life all of the time. It is basically constant (it may even get in the way occasionally) but I wouldn’t stop even if you asked me to. If I wasn’t working on myself, who would?

Not to mention it is totally interesting! I mentioned before that I took one of those personality tests which just shined a light on a little more truth of myself. Some things that I did not want to admit.

I know that I am not 100% who I want to be. Some of that I can change and grow and become…and the rest? Well I am just shit out of luck, because I have to learn to accept some of the shit that I do as essentially part of me. No I am not made of stone and I could entirely change over time – who knows. But for right now, I am going to have to accept that I get bored with small projects…and I probably always will. I will not just keep my house clean and I will never just do it without thinking about it- I will have to work at being organized and neat. Sometimes I am selfish and sometimes I am wrong and I need to know that just admitting it does not make it ok, but accepting it and apologizing for it – that can help.

These are things I think about when I am thinking about myself. These are things that I work on with my therapist. These are important to my emotional and mental health and growth as a member of the human race.

What work have you done lately?

Seriously though!

People like to talk about what they personally do: “I treat everyone the same.” “Sometimes it is entertainment for entertainment’s sake…” blah blah blah

I am sorry but there are a couple of things that you have to consider when you are an artist of any type. I do not care which side of the fence you are on as long as you have considered the following: (a) that as an artist  do you or do you not have a responsibility to support the principles for the kind of world you would like to live in? and (b) main stream or wide spread art (pop culture), does it or does it not depict the basic values of our society and do they or do they not have any sway in what those values can evolve into?

In my experience artists, the ones that you respect and support, tend to be intelligent with a sense of the world and a set of principles of their own. Whether or not they are stubborn, loose, or open about those principles is another issue. But! responsibility should not be beyond these people. And even if you are an artist that is against the establishment, against personal responsibility as a value, those are the kinds of messages that you are sending with your art and in that you are trying to sway your society to your point of view. This is not a negative thing. Art reflects, comments, and attempts to affect its surrounding society and that IS NOT A BAD THING! Entertainment for entertainment’s sake does not actually exist. No matter what sitcom you are watching you are watching a depiction of the values of that culture under a comedic, often ridiculing lens! Thought goes into the creation of those things! Even when escapism was a thing it was reflective of its culture, which was usually going through really difficult times. We do not like art (tv shows, movies, plays, books, cartoons) that are thrown together with no intent! It is not in our nature to like mindless things, at least that is the hope.

Let me know what you think? Am I wrong? Am I right? Am I off base completely? I had a very interesting/frustrating conversation with someone who refused to recognize the wider impact of things like sitcoms or trashy (yet best selling novels). Wide spread makes a difference. Art makes a difference. Should we be responsible for the difference it makes or no? Is it out of our hands? I am wondering?